Buddhist Teachings on Acceptance

Buddhist Teachings on Acceptance

A Handful of Leaves

The Blessed One was once living at Kosambi in a wood of simsapa trees. He picked up a few leaves in his hand, and he asked the bhikkhus, 'How do you conceive this, bhikkhus, which is more, the few leaves that I have picked up in my hand or those on the trees in the wood?

'The leaves that the Blessed One has picked up in his hand are few, Lord; those in the wood are far more.'

'So too, bhikkhus, the things that I have known by direct knowledge are more; the things that I have told you are only a few. Why have I not told them? Because they bring no benefit, no advancement in the Holy Life, and because they do not lead to dispassion, to fading, to ceasing, to stilling, to direct knowledge, to enlightenment, to Nibbana. That is why I have not told them. And what have I told you? This is suffering; this is the origin of suffering; this is the cessation of suffering; this is the way leading to the cessation of suffering. That is what I have told you. Why have I told it? Because it brings benefit, and advancement in the Holy Life, and because it leads to dispassion, to fading, to ceasing, to stilling, to direct knowledge, to enlightenment, to Nibbana. So bhikkhus, let your task be this: This is suffering; this is the origin of suffering; this is the cessation of suffering; this is the way leading to the cessation of suffering.'

[Samyutta Nikaya, LVI, 31]

"One day a monk asked the great master Tozan Gohan, "How can we avoid hot and cold?" Tozan said, 'Why don't you go somewhere that is neither hot nor cold?' The monk asked, 'Where is a place that is neither hot nor cold?' Tozan replied, 'When it is cold, be completely cold, when it is hot, be completely hot.'" (Dogen, Shobogenzo, Vol. 2 Translated by Kosen Nishyama [Sendai, Japan, Dihokkaikaku, 1977, p. 33]

Acceptance Doesn't Require Relishing in Sadness, but Simply Feeling it

For me, the hardest aspect of depression was my constant attempt to escape the sadness. I believe this is a natural tendency, as very few people want to feel sad, and our entire culture seems based on the "pursuit of happiness." Yet, what I found was that when I accepted the sad feelings, breathed into them and gave them space in my body and mind, they began to dissipate and dissolve.

That doesn't mean that the sources of my sad feelings dissolved. It was still very necessary for me to explore these feelings, mostly in therapy with a qualified psychotherapist. What I discovered was that my feelings were layered and complex. Often an event during the day might trigger a surface feeling: anger, or anxiety, mostly. I learned that these were "surface" feelings, often masking deeper, more "difficult" feelings like abandonment, which is profound loneliness -- something we all must encounter. Once I began to become familiar with these deeper feelings, usually stemming from incidents in my childhood, they became less intense and stopped interfering with my daily life.

Meditating on our Emotions Allows them to Unfold Naturally

When having a difficult day, I find it helpful to have some quiet time to meditate on my feelings. I usually follow a string of events that led to my anger or anxiety and then allow myself to consider what these events remind me of -- usually an event from my childhood -- and then to get to the underlying feeling. I breathe in and allow myself to feel the underlying difficult feeling, visually giving myself the "space" to hold it. I spend several minutes doing this until the space that I hold the feeling in feels expansive and the negative feeling has dissolved.