Parenting

"...Have you been looking for information on Depression...

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The Hidden Gifts of Failure

Why is failure important? J.K Rowling spoke about this issue as keynote speaker at Harvard University�s commencement this past June, an unlikely topic for a group of obvious over-achievers. Failure, says Rowling, is important because it opens us up to possibilities that we might not have otherwise considered. It strips away the unnecessary in life, puts us face-to-face with our worst fears, and can afford us with opportunity to pursue the dream from which �success� might have distracted us.

Rowling shared her own experience of poverty and the failure of her earlier years as a writer, and how her money-paying job at Amnesty International gave her continual perspective on just how lucky she was simply by virtue of living in a country with a democratically-elected government. Through years of hard work and focus, she arrived at the famous happy ending; though Rowling indicates her rise to success wasn�t as linear as the press has indicated, and perhaps there were moments when her success was nothing more than a distant hope.

I found Rowling�s speech eloquent and moving, not only because of her honest depiction of her struggles and coming face-to-face with real failure, but because she questions the validity of the importance most of us place on the sequence of our life�s events: go to school, do well on exams, go out and get the job, do well and join the right organizations, get the good salary, and the unending on and on. She points out that when failure arrives, it interrupts this loop, and offers you an incredible opportunity: you can restart the path of your life if you wish. This is what happened to us last year when my husband�s business closed. Rather than simply get back into the same old grind, my husband and I have laid out a plan that will (I hope) enable us to have more time and freedom in the long term, this website a piece of that plan. Time and freedom are two things that are not taught to us as being important in life. Perhaps this is because they don�t generate any money on their own, and indeed, they cost money. However, if you prioritize these two conditions, your whole life can change.

During the years when I was depressed, it had a lot to do with feeling that my life didn�t have any meaning. I was working at jobs I didn�t enjoy, and lived life for the moment, with little thought for the future. I think I was trying to stay continually active so that I never felt sad or depressed. Of course, when the activity would inevitably stop, I was left with my feelings, which were pretty intense. It was only when I was willing to face those feelings that I started to make sense of things and I could even say what I even believed was important to me. Interestingly enough, it was during a period of �failure� in my life that allowed me to look at things from a different perspective. It was after working in a particular field, and being part of a large lay-off that allowed me to even realize that I didn�t like what I was doing, and if I wanted something else, I would have to make some changes.

In our house, when my daughter makes a mistake, I try to make it seem like an opportunity, rather than something that needs to be corrected. (I find this easier to do with her mistakes, as mine are so frequent that I simply use them as an opportunity to show that they are normal, and nothing to get upset about. Oops, Mommy spilled the milk again, let�s clean it up!) For instance, she recently was drawing on the front walk with chalk and made a line that didn�t work with the particular picture she was drawing, which was of a flower. She got frustrated and was about to start over again when I pointed out that the line looked a bit like the side of a mountain. Within minutes, she had made a picture of a mountainscape with a field of flowers that was beautiful, but nothing like she had originally intended.

Isn�t that a beautiful metaphor for life?

On Choosing Simplicity

There are many benefits to a simple life -- they just might not apparent to everyone.

When I had children, I thought that life would become more simple � especially since I stopped working to remain home -- but actually there�s a whole consumer demographic that one enters into on becoming a parent. Suddenly you�re aware of all the things your supposed to buy. You receive mailings on diapers, bottles, formula, baby furniture, clothes, toys of all sorts, and the list goes on and on. It can be easy � especially for a new mother � to get caught up in the hoopla and buy because it feels like the right thing to do.

I�ve made a huge effort at simplicity this past year or so. It�s been an interesting journey to stop making unnecessary purchases. It reminded me of the time I did the Master Cleanse, and during the fast I had the realization that all I normally do is eat. Once one stops shopping, it feels strange, sort of un-American, even.

That feeling doesn�t last very long, however. Once I stopped shopping, (and mind you, I was never a huge shopper) it freed up my time for so many other things. I realized that we didn�t need half the things that I thought we did. As usual, I feel out of step with the mainstream thinking, but I�m very big on quality over quantity now. So, while I might go to Target to buy an obscure item for the kids, I�d rather buy my kids a few pieces of quality clothes that they can wear over and over and will last through many washings. I've found that this saves me money in the long run. I�ve totally given up on the kids being stylish �they look clean, cute and sporty � but they are absolutely more casual than most kids around here. That�s okay. In fact, I view it as an important lesson that they learn to be somewhat out-of-step with the crowd. I don�t want them getting used to fitting in too much, because in a few years the crowd might be doing something stupid, and I don�t want my kid to go along just because she�s not used to being different.

In fact, I view much of the simplicity lifestyle as an important lesson for my kids. It�s better for the earth to live simply as we use less resources and stop viewing everything as a disposable item. It�s better for our health to live simply because by curtailing our spending on �junk� we have more money left for quality food. It�s also better for our happiness to live simply. It feels good to breathe in when the temptation to buy sneaks up and to say to myself, �I have everything I need right now.� It�s really true, no matter how much I think I need that cute top. When my daughter has a moment in which she thinks she needs a particular book, or toy, or whatever, I say to her �You have everything you need right now. That _____ is not going to change anything.� It seems to be working for the moment.

But most importantly for my husband and me, it�s a huge relief that we can live simply and have completely given up on the idea of keeping up with the Joneses. We have much less stress, more money, time, and resources to spend on our family, and our values are really apparent to our kids. We�re walking the walk and learning to be satisfied with ourselves. What a concept.

On Solitude and Happiness

Right now, as I type this at 9:35 p.m., I realize that this is the first time all day that I�ve been alone. These days I'm not even left alone in the shower, but not for the reason you might expect. I have a 17 month old.

Before children, and certainly before I was married, I spent about half of my time being alone. I didn�t like it, and did everything I could to reduce that time. I saw friends, stayed late at work, and any other activity that got me around people � anything to avoid coming home to a quiet, empty home.

Wow. What I would give to come home to a quiet, empty home, if only for a few hours.

For me, life is always a struggle of balance. It seems that at various times I have too much of something � solitude, or work, or chaos. It�s so hard to have balance with two small children, and never mind what happens when you're trying to develop a business or devote time to writing.

But what I miss most about solitude is one of its most valuable benefits: the opportunity to look inward. Solitude allows you time to recoup, to gather your thoughts, to be alone with yourself so that you can determine where you stand, what your feelings are, and how you are doing.

I love being home with my children � whom I view as the greatest thing that�s ever happened to me � but it sometimes gets hard to hear my thoughts in the constant attention to practical detail that is a top duty in motherhood. Also, being focused on my children and their needs precludes spending a lot of time on my own needs and wishes. Granted, I do gather my thoughts throughout the day using short meditations and essential oils, but this is not a substitute for extensive solitude in which we have the luxury of really sorting it all out, and digging deep.

So, the challenge for those of us who are parents or who don�t have the luxury of time alone is: how do we connect with ourselves when we are bombarded from all directions?

As I mentioned earlier, I take small breaks and use essential oils to make mini meditations throughout the day. This does help me to connect to myself on a deeper level than just �oh, what do I think about that?� But when I�m really feeling a need to be alone, when he gets home from work I�ll ask my husband to take the kids somewhere � even if it�s only in the basement � to give me an hour or so to gather myself. I use this time to write or brainstorm thoughts about what to write, or meditate. I might read. Anything to give myself soulful sustenance to move back into the sometimes tedious task of motherhood.

I can return to my children refreshed and reconnected to myself � which only helps me to be able to connect to them and attend to their needs. I'm more patient, more empathetic, and more aware of the importance of teaching my children to listen to their own signals for needing time alone.

Find ways to connect with your inner voice, and you will be rewarded with greater happiness, more satisfaction, and a more sane and more meaningful life.

Emily and Sarah Buder Do Their Part to End Bullying

"Olivia's story moved us, and a spark ignited between us - we both recognized that there was something that had to be done about this situation. We knew we couldn't be bystanders. We organized a letter-writing campaign and asked our friends to write letters of encouragement to Olivia. These messages of healing and hope were the least we could send to Olivia to let her know that she was not alone and that we were thinking about her and hoping she would get better."

These are the words of Emily and Sarah Buder, who felt moved to start a letter-writing campaign to lend support to a girl named Olivia who was the victim of severe bullying.

This story moved me because I was bullied in middle school -- and I know first-hand how the effects of being teased, picked on, or maligned by your peers can be devastating and linger for many years. What happens to the child who is bullied is much like other forms of abuse: it creates a mindset of powerlessness and shame that makes it very difficult for the victim to reach out and get help. Like in other forms of abuse, others blame the victim, which of course, only perpetuates the abuse further. It's not surprising that suicide is becoming increasingly common for victims of bullying. A child who is bullied is a prime target for feelings of powerlessness, and alienation leading to depression.

I remember one particular incident when I was working as a teacher in high school. I witnessed a bullying incident between two boys, one of whom was special needs. I immediately broke it up and reported the incident to the school administration. The administration's response was a mild reprimand to the bully and when I pushed further for them to investigate the incident, their response was that this was normal and that getting involved only created more problems for everyone. This was after much public display of zero-tolerance for bullying put forth in the beginning of the school year. As a teacher, I felt frustrated and angry, but vowed to stop bullying anytime I saw it happening.

It makes me so glad that teenagers are supporting those who are bullied, as studies show that bullying diminishes when peers stand up for each other. It also means that there are kids who are popular who are willing to stand against the crowd.

Perhaps we are moving into an age where some kids are gaining enough self-esteem and wisdom to actually have more maturity than their elders -- in this case their teachers and other adults who are "responsible" for their safety. The parents of the Buder sisters must be very proud that their daughters have been able to create such a tremendous social movement to come to the aid of another human being. Let's hope that other teens follow in their footsteps.

The Spoiled Shall Inherit the Earth?

There was a recent article in the New York Times about parents who send their children to a $10,000 sleep-away camp. If that weren�t enough, they call camp counselors round the clock to make sure their child�s every need is tended to; as an example of the lengths they go to make sure their children are never lest without the upper hand, some parents supply their child with an extra cell phone in the event that the camp confiscates the illegal item.

Judith Warner, the writer who was commenting on the piece, made the point that children who are indulged excessively will not only grow up to have a sense of entitlement, but it seems that people will bend over backwards to make sure that they are entitled. Her evidence to prove this point was the eagerness with which the counselors indulged the parents who called about the most insignificant concern. Her fear, and mine upon reading this, was that the children of parents who are trying to raise them with courtesy and concern for others will end up becoming food for these future sharks.

Other psychologists and child experts contend that children raised with over-indulgent parents will grow up to become low functioning adults who are unable to handle disappointment, stress, and life�s difficulties. Warner�s argument countered this belief, stating that in the world of the very rich, things tend to go their way.

Reading this I felt saddened, but I wondered if this hasn�t been going on for ever, or for at least the last 50 years or so, since the rise of suburbia and the explosion of the American dream fantasy � two cars, two children, perfect house. It seems that the only difference is that today parents are willing to put the whole thing on credit in order to finance the dream.

I�m going to continue to raise my kids to listen to their teachers, to listen to me, to be kind to each other, and I�m not going to give them everything that they want, not even close. What else can I do? I refuse to raise a brat, and I�m sure that these spoiled children � who very well may end up getting all the prizes someday � aren�t going to be happy in their day-to-day lives. How could they be? They�ll never have had the opportunity to experience failure and grow from the mistakes they�ve made. Their hearts will become hardened due to a lack of compassion for others. If you never experience real sorrow, you can never experience true joy. So, while I�m certainly not advocating that we pity these spoiled children, I�m pointing out that they aren�t necessarily the ones to envy, either.

Also, some day it might become so rare to meet a young person with good manners and a friendly demeanor, that these might become the skills most desired by future employers when it comes time for my (hopefully!) well-mannered kids to look for a job. I can always hope, can�t I?

July 2008 Natural Childbirth -- A Thing of the Past?

Iwas just reading about how more and more women are having elective c-sections, partly due to fear of the pain of childbirth, and partly due to concerns about, ahem, changing things for the worse.

Now, I've given birth twice, so I'm not unsympathetic to concerns about pain and recovery. I do take issue with the second concern, because one, it's not necessarily true and two, having a c-section does have health implications for both mother and child.

Let me say that I'm not disparaging women who have no choice but to have c-sections - this is not about one form of birth being more virtuous than another. I'm talking about ELECTIVE c-sections, when the woman could have a vaginal delivery but chooses surgery instead.

When a baby is born through c-section, the baby doesn't receive the mother's gut flora, which will populate the baby's gut as it passes through the birth canal. This first "probiotic dose" is extremely important in maintaining the immunity of the baby, and like colostrum, is nature's way of passing along immunity to the child. Additionally, many doctors do not advise women who have c-sections that they need to provide probiotics for their babies, so the baby is often left with poor gut flora as a starting point.

Statistically, morbidity rates for both mother and baby are much higher for c-sections than for vaginal births, another reason that you'd think doctors would steer women from them.

Regarding the pain factor, I just have to say that my first delivery, in which I received a dose of pitocin and an epidural, was much more painful than my second, which was completely natural. My recovery, both physical and emotional, was a piece of cake with the second, compared to a pretty slow go with the first.

I'm not saying that natural childbirth is the only way, I'm just saying that most women don't even consider it because they've been scared into believing it's going to be the most painful thing they've ever encountered. I won't lie; it is pretty painful. But childbirth, no matter how it works is pretty painful.

However, it's extremely empowering to give birth to a baby without drugs, not because you endured the pain, but because you exercised your ultimate womanly power by giving birth without interference of medical technology.

It's part of women's natural nobility to give birth without interference, but we've been stripped of it and now we don't believe we can do it.

Through a combination of poor nutrition, loss of maternal network, and technological interference, we've lost the cultural connection to childbirth that is an important rite of passage for motherhood. Mothers don't teach their daughters about childbirth except to warn them of the pain. We turn to our doctors to fix every problem we encounter so that we almost surrender ownership of our bodies. Like the wisdom of traditional diets, we need to reconnect with the ancient wisdom of natural childbirth. This is not to say that women should risk their lives to give birth naturally. When necessary, medical technology saves lives. But infant mortality rates are increasing, not decreasing. Natural childbirth should at the very least be a possibility for every healthy woman to consider.

Routine -- Do you Resist It?

Do you ever have days where it�s really hard to get going?

I�ve been mostly able to work this out these days, but I remember days, especially when I lived in Denmark, where this was a real problem. For example, if there was really no REAL reason to leave the house, I wouldn't. This always led to thoughts like, �Well, why do I need to even get dressed, I�m comfy in these pajamas.�

Now, I�m a big believer in full-day pajama wearing -- occasionally. It�s a great way to stay comfortable, catch up on writing, phone calls, cleaning out closets, or anything else that requires comfy clothes. Heck, even Oprah does it sometimes, and God knows she gets things done. However, if I do this too often, I risk feeling out of balance. Sitting around the house in my pajamas is simply TOO much alone time, too much inactivity, not enough seeing other people. It starts to feel, well, depressing.

What I used to struggle with was routine . Routine was something that I naturally resisted. I hated feeling �tied down� to it. It cramped my style, I thought. I liked the freedom of just getting up and �winging it� so to speak. But what I noticed was that they days in which I had to get up and get moving � the days I worked, for example, � on those days, I felt much better. Much more productive, but interestingly, I felt happier.

Now, being a stay-at-home-mom, I really have to stick to a routine, especially in the summer when my kids are home. I�d be lying if I said that there weren�t days in which we did this, but in general I have a planned schedule for us all, even if it�s simply: wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, do some writing until around 11:00, eat lunch, household chores, and get out of the house to do (fill in the blank), come home, make dinner, give baths, get kids to bed.

In my experience, the people I�ve known who also struggle with depression seem to also resist routine. Perhaps it�s because we have a little bit of a hard time transitioning from one activity to the next. Maybe because it feels safer to do less, I�m not sure why. But, here�s what I do to make it easier.

1. I get the important things done first in the day, while I�m motivated. For example, dinner often seems like a huge task by the end of a busy day. So I get my ducks in a row � either by get the meal started in the crock pot (a great time saver) or by preparing all the ingredients early in the day so I can simply throw it together at the last minute. This is a tremendous relief and I can allow myself a little wiggle room with time when I do this. Consider what you dislike doing most and figure out ways to get them started early so that they don�t feel overwhelming.

2. Shower at night, when you have the time. This might sound really, really, stupid to anyone who doesn�t have small children, but sometimes, the logistics of showering are a real problem. My son is a light sleeper and our bathroom is right next to his room. I�d love to shower during his nap times but that would surely wake him up, so I do it at night, when he sleeps best. Then the next morning my routine is short and easy, and I�m feeling my best early in the day.

Remember, routine needn�t be a killjoy � think of it as a really cool guidance counselor who helps you get into the college you want. It helps you to do the step-by-step stuff that makes life rewarding.

July 2008 How to Raise Children Who Really Like Each Other

One of my worst fears is that my kids will grow up to hate each other.

I guess coming from a family with 3 siblings, with none of whom I�m particularly close, this is a natural concern. Now, it wasn�t that my family was particularly evil � we were as happy and dysfunctional as any family, I guess � it�s just that somehow we didn�t get the message that it was important for us to respect and nurture each other, and now that we�re all grown and have lives of our own, we�ve just lost touch.

Now that I�m a mother myself, I clearly see the inherent disadvantage to the sibling relationship: jealousy. Sibling rivalry is a theme throughout many works of literature and is well known reality. I purposely chose to space my children out three years from each other in hopes of minimizing this emotion, but it is still a factor. In fact, there are parents who swear that closer spacing creates closer ties. So, what is the secret, if there is one?

It seems to me that it has something to do with developing a separate identity within the family as special and separate from each other, while simultaneously developing an identity as a �good� sibling, as well. Simply said, I�m hoping that by giving positive feedback whenever my kids show kindness to each other will help them to formulate an identity as a caring sibling. Eventually, through the simple virtue of spending time together in a respectful manner, I�m hoping that they�ll develop an affinity for each other.

I believe that encouraging them to view themselves as a part of a unit � our family � and their role as a sibling as an important part of that unit, I�m hoping that they will have sustenance to carry them through the difficult years of their lives, especially the peer-focused years of middle and high school. There will be times when it might seem as if the whole world is against them, and I�m hoping that their sibling will be a source of support when I, the parent, become less important to them.

I hope that they�ll learn how to treat another person � their future life partner � by responding to difficulties in the sibling relationship. When they want to withdraw or lash out, I�ll encourage them to face each other and speak, no matter how difficult. I hope that by the attention I give the children individually, they�ll develop an identity and ego that is strong enough to exist in a relationship with each other without disappearing.

It�s basic stuff, I know, but it�s tough, and so important. I�ll keep you posted on how things develop.

July 2008

How to Raise Happy Children

Happiness is one of those conditions that may not be easy to define, but certainly, you know it when you have it.

In 1989, Carolyn D. Riff wrote a study with the intent of quantifying happiness, and discovered that people who described themselves as happy shared certain characteristics. (�Happiness is Everything, Or Is It? Explorations on the Meaning of Psychological Well-Being� Copyright 1989 by the American Psychological Association, Inc.)

1.Self-acceptance �a positive view of self and has realistic view of self, including shortcomings and strengths

2.Positive relations with others � is able to develop intimacy, empathy for others; has genuine concern for the well-being of others;

3.autonomy � independent and able to �march to the beat of his/her own drum;�

4.Mastery of environment � is resourceful, has ability and skill to create an environment suited to needs and desires;

5.Purpose in life � has belief that life has meaning and can make sense of life�s challenges past and present;

6.personal growth � views self as continuing to expand and grow. Views life as a journey;

So, how do we create this in our daily lives? How do we pass these qualities along to our children?

As a mother, I�ve made the decision to praise my children selectively. That is I don�t praise their every accomplishment endlessly, or praise them simply for being wonderful. I believe that overpraising creates children who are dependent on the approval of others and takes away some of their autonomy. I do praise a lot for hard work, creativity, and uniqueness, and I�m ALWAYS telling my kids how much I love them.

I emphasize kindness to others and point out when they are doing something unkind to a friend by asking how they would feel if someone did that to them. I also stress giving people the benefit of doubt when a wrongdoing has occurred.

If my child complains, I ask them to come up with ways to fix their problem, rather than fixing it for them. Sometimes this means that I�m inconvenienced by their problem as well, but I�m giving them an opportunity to see that they can develop mastery over their environment.

I share with my children my spiritual views. I don�t expect them to follow mine exclusively for their entire lives, but I do want to give them a starting point.

As mentioned in another post, I allow my children to experience some loneliness, as I believe that learning to tolerate being alone is important to developing a strong sense of self. We also don�t buy the same things that other people buy and when my kids complain about that, I tell them that we make different choices than others.

I share with my children some of my mistakes and what I�ve learned from them. Often, mistakes are the first step toward success.

Creating happiness is a life-long ambition, but clearly starts with a well-formed sense of self. I welcome any comments from others on how you�ve mastered this in your own life.

July 2008

Loneliness - Avoiding the Treadmill

There are days as a mother that I simply want to protect my children from anything that will cause them emotional pain.

Yesterday, I picked up my daughter from her day camp, and I could tell right away that something was really bothering her. I resisted the impulse to bombard her with a million questions (what happened? Did someone say something to you?) and simply mentioned that I thought she looked a bit sad. Within moments, tears were flowing and she was filling me in on the details of her difficult day.

I'm always amazed by the emotional complexity of children's lives. They really do have the same feelings that adults do: loneliness, the sting of rejection, the awkwardness of new social situations, etc. -- and often it's more intense that what we experience because children say and do things that adults have been conditioned not to.

Her struggles on the playground in a new environment reminded me of how difficult it can be in a new social setting. I coached her through some specific activities she could do to make the day go easier, such as seeking out a friendly face and making a connection, or asking a counselor if they can help find something fun to do, or if all else fails, simply having fun alone.

In our reality-television-based, hyper-extroverted culture, it seems unnatural to advise a child to learn to be alone, but I think it's an important skill. For one, life is full of people who will pull you in a million directions if you let them. Many teenagers make life-altering mistakes because of their need to be accepted by their peers. I want my kids to have the strength to resist their peers, and that will only come if they've learned to be alone in a crowd long before they've reached that age.

There's another, more personal reason that I want my children to feel okay with being alone. That is because a big part of remaining free of depression is the ability to tolerate the loneliness that is a part of life. No matter how many friends we make, or how busy our social our calendar is, sooner or latter we all have to be alone. Being comfortable, or at least aware of, the feelings that arise when we are alone is an important part of emotional health. It's our ability to process those sad, angry, or otherwise uncomfortable feelings that unnoticed, contribute to depression.

It's a skill I'm still practicing myself.

June 2008

It Takes a Village

Has anyone else noticed that staying home to raise children can be kind of, ummm, boring?

Now, I can�t be the only one who�s noticed this. But maybe I�m the only one with a big enough mouth to say it out loud.

This isn�t to say that raising kids isn�t EXTREMELY important, or that I don�t love it much of the time, and that I consider myself truly blessed to be able to do it.

But the reality is that taking care of children requires a tremendous amount of repetitive, un-stimulating activities. It also can be very lonely, with long hours between conversations with adults.

I remember after my daughter was born, and I had just left my teaching job. Sophie would wake up sometimes as early as 6:00 and I would sit on the living room couch, nursing her and looking out the front window at the early morning twilight.

The day loomed ahead of me. Sometimes the hours ahead seemed unmanageable.

So, I began to join �Mommy-and-me� activities, more to connect with other mothers than anything. Through these activities I met some women who have remained my really good friends.

But what if you live in an area where you don�t have access to this type of activity? Or if you don�t have the money to join?

Look into parenting activities that might be going on in your public library. Use the internet to connect with other mothers in your area. Go to the park and talk it up with a kind face.

When raising children, it�s important to stay connected with others. In traditional societies, villages have traditions that support the mother physically and emotionally. Family and friends visit the mother and help her with meal preparation, cleaning the house, or allowing her needed time to rest. After the initial period of post-partum, family was close by in order to help with childcare and discipline. Our culture has lost this important source of support.

Make a promise to yourself to connect with at least two other mothers who are supportive. Reach out even if it goes outside your comfort zone.

Remaining connected with others is an important part of remaining depression-free, so think of it as taking care of yourself. The gift you�ll receive is greater happiness, and as a result, you�ll be a better parent.

June 2008

Nourished Mother, Nourished Child

How often does it happen to you that you forget to eat breakfast?

Sometimes, by the time I'm finished feeing the kids, cleaning up the dishes, I've realized that I haven't eaten anything myself. It's tempting to have another cup of coffee and move on with the day, but I've made a promise to myself not to do that.

Here's why it's important to eat at least three times a day.

Let's face it: motherhood is about giving. Not that I don't get back -- I love my kids immensely and receive a tremendous amount of joy from them. They are the best part of my life.

However, the day-to-day activities of parenting are outwardly focused -- necessarily so. There's food to be made, clothes to be washed, noses to be wiped, and diapers to be changed. Children require a tremendous amount of affection and reassurance -- at least mine do -- and this takes time and attention.

But part of being there for my kids is to make sure that I'm adequately fed and nourished so that I can pay attention to them. We've all heard the analogy of putting on our own oxygen mask before we place it on our children, because most mothers would never think of themselves first.

But what good are you to your children if your blood sugar's crashing, and your temper is short because you haven't had a proper meal to give you nourishment?

Also, girls today are exposed images of beautiful, impossibly thin girls (even cartoon characters -- have you taken a good look at the princesses?!)

I think it's important that they see their mothers eating healthy, nourishing food so that they get the message that it's NOT okay to starve yourself. I really worry about our girls growing up today.

Motherhood is hard work -- much of it physical. Sometimes I lift my 32 pound son 15-20 times a day. Carrying the vaccuum, running up and down stairs, unloading the trunk...

I've changed my perspective on food from something I crave and eat quickly, to thinking about mealtime as time to nourish and reward myself for hard work done. When I say "reward" that doesn't mean I sit down to a chocolate cake. (Although I've been known to treat myself to a piece of dark chocolate from time to time.)

By reward I mean something deeper -- more like a gift to myself, a way to slow down and have a pleasant experience. I set the table. I may turn on some nice music.

I also take a bit of thought as to what I'd like to eat and make sure it's nourishing and delicious. Aren't I worth that much?

My wish is that you can find the time to do this throughout your day, too.

Read my bi-weekly column, "Life with Fyfe" at TheLohasian.com - "Culture of the Conscious Set," an online editorial destination covering the culture of the conscious world.